Corporate Hoore

Strategy

Introducing the Corporate Hoore Accelerated Strategy Methodology (CHASM)

Corporate Hoore's unique CHASM methodology drives the timely creation of effective strategies to keep your job for the next fiscal year. Our highly-trained high-school graduates will guide you through our proprietary three step process.

Creation

  1. All strategies are created in arrears
  2. All strategies are created on whiteboards
  3. All strategies are written by consultants
    • Where a strategy is not written by consultants, it should be validated by consultants
    • Where a strategy is not validated by consultants, it should be implemented by consultants
  4. Key reasons for rejecting strategies
    • We've tried that before
    • No-one's tried that before
    • It's not on the right template
  5. The time taken to agree a corporate strategy is twice the duration of its competitive advantage

Execution

  1. Execution is always handed over to other people
  2. There is nothing wrong with the strategy, only the execution
  3. All projects, if sufficiently desired, can be justified on the basis of strategy
  4. All corporate strategies are leaked. This is a vital part of peer review and market testing

Termination

  1. There is no need for an exit strategy because the strategy will work flawlessly

Source: CHASM

 

All strategies are created on whiteboards

More Hoore

Please leave us a Hooremoan:

Date   Name   Hooremoan
11 Sep john o' as a whiteboard obsessive (though I don't have one myself, but many of my friends do) I say, yes please!
28 Jan Bad Billy What's an Introducnig? Is this some sort of featherbrained Corporate thingy? What about the suffix "nig"? Is this not a little less PC than desirable? What the hell are you doing?
27 May Pointy Haired Nobody Can we get the whiteboards in RED?
29 Jun Jumoan Supercroan
18 Mar Dimitri 'nig' is Roosian version Damnitski! He's a spy!
17 Nov odd odd
5 Jun Suttle If it's not put down on a powerpoint then no one takes it seriously :)
 
6 Sep